It lived a life most of us would envy. But in the end, Jason Giambi’s mustache never really had a chance, and ended up in a bathroom basin, dead after less than a few months of life.
The American Mustache Institute salutes Mr. Giambi and his mustache, for having the bravery to walk proudly down the same lines upon which other great Yankee mustaches have — including Reggie Jackson, Thurman Munson, Don Mattingly, and Sal Fasano. Our hearts and prayers go out to Mr. Giambi, his family, and the Yankees organization. And while we are all gravely disappointed by the passing of Jason’s mustache, no one, or thing, feels a greater loss than his upper lip. The thick coating of fur had become a part of that lip - like peanut butter and jelly - and we can only hope Giambi’s late lip sweater is in a better place.
It is important during this time of mourning that we all reflect and understand that every time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth. And the American Mustache Institute has established a fund in memory of Mr. Giambi’s mustache that will be used to educate young people about the merits of facial hair, circus clowns, and juggling.
In the end, while the hearts of mustached-Americans everywhere are broken, we must always remind ourselves that a mustache is a terrible thing to shave.
We look forward to a newly erected monument in the new Yankee Stadium commemorating Giambi’s mustache alongside Ruth, Gehrig, and DiMaggio.